Polygamist Elk

WC and I went up to Estes Park this weekend for a little 24 hour getaway. It's been a rough month/summer with work and I wanted a quiet little reminder of what nature feels like.

When I brought it up to WC, I said "I want to go to Estes Park and snuggle and sit in a hot tub. I mean, aren't the elk fighting right now? Let's go see dude elk fight over lady elk. Plus, we can find a hotel with a hot tub."

He was in.

Thoughts

Sometimes if the mail in my mailbox is disappointing, I just put it back in and give it another day or two to be better. Shouldn't we all have that opportunity to improve? 

My sister and I were talking the other day about learning to enjoy the middle of a transition. Instead of focusing on where we're going, learning to truly enjoy where we are. I'm not very good at this, but I want to be.

If the shirt I want to wear is wrinkled, I use my flat iron to iron it. It's a little dangerous because I'm often still wearing the shirt, but I've had less issues with this method than the actual iron which I'm pretty sure is colluding with the cheese drawer to murder me. 

The Meeting: A Scene

6:30 - Pour bourbon and soda into a glass. Taste. Adjust mix. Taste. Contemplate not going to meeting.

6:33 - Put pants on. Taste drink again. Adjust mix.

6:35 - Consider not wearing a bra because wearing a bra is for people at work and you're at home and home means no bra.

6:40 - Pour a little more bourbon into mug. Maybe a little more soda. Maybe a little more bourbon.

6:43 - Put a bra on.

Et tu, Gruyere?

I took this photo in 2014. I have an
identical cut right now. 

I have a friend whose husband doesn't understand why she has little cuts all over her hands all the time. It wasn't until she was telling me about this marital debate that I realized that it isn't normal to repeatedly ram your knuckles into the edge of the cabinet when reaching for a bowl. Or shave off knuckle skin each time one takes laundry from the washer.

Why, after 38 years, do I still not know where my knuckles are? They haven't moved. They're right there where they've always been.

A little wrinklier.

A little vein-ier... but not in some foreign location.

One time I cut my finger on the cheese drawer in my refrigerator. Of all the kitchen appliances to betray me. The fucking cheese drawer? I can see the dishwasher having it out for me. I don't rinse my dishes. I don't load it properly. I almost never clean that filter thingy. But the cheese drawer I treat with reverence.

"How to Succeed in Business" by Melicious

1. Dress for the job you want. Not the job you have.  These glasses are Ocelot print. I just ordered them today. Ocelot. Not leopard. Because leopard prints are for ladies of the night and I am a lady of the day.

Selfie taken AT optometrists office while eyes
were dialating. 

Wait... that sounded like I'm a prostitute during the day. I am not... I am just a lady who sleeps at night. 

Double super wait? Does this mean I want to be an ocelot or a lady of the night? 

A PreEnactment

Open to an interrogation room lit only by a single overhead bulb. There is no natural light. Only a single table with two folding chairs. The walls are concrete. The floor is that weird sticky tile we all had in our kitchens growing up. Linoleum. Yeah, Linoleum. Perfect for cleaning up vomit and lazy children.

What to do when the high is below zero...

It's officially winter in Denver and we even had snow Christmas Day. Which almost never happens. Today the high was 2 degrees. Fahrenheit. That's 30 degrees BELOW freezing. I take issue with this.

Stolen from my sister's FB page because it's beautiful and she
goes outside when it's cold and I do not. 

Luckily, I have the day off so, I didn't have to call off. If you are supposed to work on a day with less than double digit temps, definitely come down with the "cold".  That would be your #1. Then proceed as follows:

Motivational Opportunities

One time in about 2000-2001 I drove my Honda Civic to the grocery store. It was late-ish... maybe 10:00... so not very busy, but not completely devoid of activity either.

I went to pull through the empty parking space in front of me only to realize AFTER my front tires had rolled over the concrete parking stop that separates one row of spots from another that I shouldn't have tried to get fancy.

There I sat, slightly high-centered on a concrete block that had rammed itself into the under-intestines of my little Civic, realizing that people who are aware of their surroundings don't end up dealing with shit like this.

And those people who are aware of their surroundings were staring at me.

My inner 12 year old has something to say about this

 

But then my grown up self says "Stop laughing. This is about cancer research and it's great we've raised so much money. Grow up." *

And then I walk by it again and wonder if our Director of HR would think it's funny if I complained about the lewd pictures in the office.

And then my grown up self says "She would NOT think that's funny because sexual harassment is a real thing and is terrible." *

And then I decide to stay late so I can take a picture to post about without having to explain why I'm taking a picture.

You're welcome. I did it for you (me).
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* I'm sorry about cancer and sexual harassment. I'm not (very) sorry for laughing at phalluses... with excitement exploding from them.

The most import thing to happen in the history of today.... or not

There I was minding my own business.

Driving home after a long (medium) day of work and a long (short) run at the park.

Listening to the NPR All Songs Considered podcast and vowing to remember the name of the band they were featuring (forgot).

I looked in my rearview mirror and saw this:

If wishes were horses, I'd have a pony

When I was in my 20s I didn't like when people at work gave me a nickname. It felt important to have a very professional name so people would take me seriously. It was fine that people discovered I was ridiculous after working with me, but they couldn't know before I actually opened my mouth.

I don't know why a nickname meant "ridiculous" back then, but it's hard being a young woman in a male-dominated industry after getting a minor in Women's Studies. Feminism can be very confusing.

I remember the first time I was talking to a very angry Project Manager who said, "I just can't yell at a woman!" and I thought, "Is now the time to push for equal treatment, or should I just let this one slide?"

Tropical Disease

Happy 4th of July weekend. I was supposed to be out and about smooching on a boy and hanging with friends, but instead I'm home nursing what can only be described as the tropical disease that will likely kill me.

Or a flu-type bug.

I spent last weekend in Nags Head, NC with two couples and their kids. It was a wonderful weekend of beach time, boat time, and silly time with kids (and adults).

The kids ranged in ages from 3 to 15 and ranged in enjoying me and my attempts to connect to kids about as widely as well.

Whoops!

My sister gave me a Fitbit for my birthday. It is not a commentary on my lack of fitness, but simply on my love of nerdy data. I already track my workouts in an app on my phone. I track my menstrual cycle, in an app on my phone. I track the wines I like. In an app on my phone. I love data.

I have had the Fitbit since Saturday and I have learned a lot about myself in these short 5 days.

"When opportunity knocks, don't hide behind the couch."

Last year on my birthday I posted my most popular post ever. It's popularity has absolutely nothing to do with the actual content, but only that I spammed my blog on a blog that is all about Succulents... which are very popular (as is the blog.) I was so proud of my succulent garden I wanted some credit from a professional.

All but one of those plants has died. I'm not all that surprised. I'm terrible with plants. Every summer I plant a bunch of stuff in containers on my balcony mid-May/early-June. By the end of July I'm tired of watering them everyday and they've started dying anyway so my container garden becomes my container graveyard.

Oral Exam

I bought a new toothbrush the other day. I'm not very discerning when it comes to a toothbrush. It must adhere to the following criteria:

1. Be Soft. My dentist says Medium bristles are bad for your gums.

2. Not have cartoons on it. I'm a grown up, dammit.

3. Be unused. I have zero tolerance for used toothbrushes when I'm in the market for new. Zero.

Vagina Monologue

The picture has nothing to do
with this post. But it makes me
laugh a lot. 

Last Wednesday I went to a class at the gym in the morning and came home about 8:15 a.m. I parked and went upstairs. 

I had a doctor's appointment at 4:00 so at 3:30 I went out to my car... which had rolled into the middle of the parking lot.... because I hadn't placed the parking brake. I was so embarrassed. My car must have been in the middle of the lot the whole day. (It certainly could have been worse... it could have hit someone/something). 

I drove to the doctor's office while on a conference call. I was 15 minutes early and still on the call so I sat in my car and yapped. Then I got of the car, still yapping away. 

Random Round-Up

1. Because I didn't post this on time last year, I thought I'd aim to this year. "Cinco de Drinko" is racist. Quit being ignorant, white people. If you want to celebrate Cinco de Mayo, please do. But don't turn it into a white-people's reason to get drunk and be an asshole. Vegas is open 24/7 for that.

2. One of my coworkers asked me how my trip was and the conversation went a little like this:

Her: How was your trip? You went alone, right? 
Me: Yeah. It was such a great time. 
Her: Did you meet anyone? 
Me: No. I don't really talk to strangers. 
Her: Not even a hot bartender? 
Me: I talked to some... to order something... like food. Or a beer.

It's not that I'm anti-social. It's just that I don't want to talk to anyone.

Thoughts from Chili's Too

1. A "red beer" is tomato juice and beer. It's awesome and is great for pre-noon drinking because it feels like breakfast. When you order it at the Chili's Too in a airport, get a look from the server like you insulted her before even speaking, and it comes as two items... with the the tomato juice in a separate glass... with ice... you're just going to want to be home in bed.

2. The dude next to me at Chili's Too kept coughing without covering his mouth so I burped at him. I don't think he got the message.

3. Sometimes a quesadilla is an exciting (yet safe) last meal at an airport. Sometimes it looks like they stole the plate from a sad child who refused to eat and served it to you. It's not like I'm picky. I understand I'm at the airport, but does no one take pride in presentation at this airport?

4. I hate airports where all the terminals are separate entities. It's like I'm not good enough to have options because of the airline I picked. I like an airport where you can wander around for days trying to pick from an array of shitty establishments only to panic that you don't know where your gate is anymore.

5. DIA takes more pride in its airport accomodations than other places I think. It might be that I'm biased since it's my hometown airport, but there are REAL restaurants and bars in that joint. Little beacons of our fine town at the airport. Sure, it costs $70 to take a cab there and the rental car pickup and return requires a shuttle (I fucking hate that), but you can usually find an outlet for charging your devices, there are bathrooms (clean ones) everywhere and the train ride is narrated by our mayor. That's just classy.

Also, the servers at Chili's Too in Denver have never looked at me like I ruined their day by simply existing. I usually have to speak before I can ruin someone's day. Ask around.
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Update: Maybe it was just the day and not Chili's Too. My breakfast sandwich ordered at a hotel cafe came with bacon even though I explicitely said "JUST egg and cheese... no meat" and when I got peanut M&Ms on the airplane they were kind of soggy... like the bag had been at sitting with the sodas cooling and heating, cooling and heating. Overall a disappointing culinary day of travel.

Made Wiser

You'd think with all my time alone this week, I'd be doing a lot more thinking. Planning for the future. Introspection on where my life is going and where it's been.

Quite the opposite has taken place. Mostly I've been planning my next meal. At each meal I'm planning the next one and how far it will be to walk to or if I should take a shuttle and how much I should drink.

Creme Brulee. I ate this. All.

Yolo Solo

One of the more interesting things about traveling alone, on purpose and not for work, is how other people react to it.

Is everything okay with WC?

No one could go with you?

You  must be very independent...

Yes, I DO mean table for one. You can bring me two waters, but no one else is going to sit down... I'm just not that friendly.

It's weird how someone saying you're independent sounds like pity, or an insult. Oh, you must be hard to be around.

(Note: I did ask one person to go with me, but I kind of knew she'd have a hard time going and I didn't invite anyone else because I didn't want to. WC and I are fine. He's doing stuff he needed to do, too. And I'm awesome to travel with. Seriously.)