"When opportunity knocks, don't hide behind the couch."

Last year on my birthday I posted my most popular post ever. It's popularity has absolutely nothing to do with the actual content, but only that I spammed my blog on a blog that is all about Succulents... which are very popular (as is the blog.) I was so proud of my succulent garden I wanted some credit from a professional.

All but one of those plants has died. I'm not all that surprised. I'm terrible with plants. Every summer I plant a bunch of stuff in containers on my balcony mid-May/early-June. By the end of July I'm tired of watering them everyday and they've started dying anyway so my container garden becomes my container graveyard.

A recruiter for a well-known internet company contacted me about 6 weeks ago. It's always awesome when someone reads your LinkedIn profile and thinks you sound worthy of their time. This internet company is not located on Colorado, so it was extra flattering to think someone would want to talk to this yahoo from out of state (it wasn't Yahoo!... I just said that to throw you off).

After 2 phone interviews, they decided I wasn't right for the position.

Which is fine. That's how these job things work out. I wasn't so much excited about the position as the excuse to move. It would fulfill my Anne-fantasy of running away. Because being 37 and single and in the condo you purchased at 25 doesn't feel as stagnant if you move across the country because your career is amazing.

But the truth is that my career is fine here. (It would be fine there, too, and if they called and said "Oops... we made a mistake, we wanted to reject a DIFFERENT mid-level manager with no educational background, but a lot of years of experience making it up as you go along..." I'd be on the first plane they paid for me to get on...)

It's weird but my career tends to shift in the May-June time-frame. I quit my 8 year job in May of 2008. In May of 2009 my consulting gig ended and I started interviewing with the company where I work now. (Ok... so twice, almost thrice [yeah, I wrote that]... but that's a lot when you've only really had 3 jobs.)

And this May I started interviewing with the fancy internet company and also with the company where I consulted in 2008-2009. I'm always soooo sure I know what I want until I realize I have no idea at all. Last week I was sure that if the old-gig offered me a position I'd turn it down. I spent 20 minutes explaining to my mother all the reasons I wouldn't leave my current job (unless it was for the fancy internet company).

Today, I don't know. Today I wonder if this IS my opportunity to run away. Every job will have its frustrations. I will always report to someone else (I'm not entrepreneurial enough to run my own show) which means I'll always be annoyed that my boss doesn't agree with me/value me enough/pay me enough/laugh at my jokes. My line of work is fraught with disagreement and negotiation. But when you start a new job you trade the frustration of "didn't I already do this 20 times in the last 12 months?" for "I'm so terrified I have no idea what my job is." It almost seems refreshing.

So, the former consulting-gig asks its candidates to prepare a 20 minute presentation about themselves that they present to all the folks who will be interviewing them so they don't end up answering the same questions over and over. I was so FUCKING excited to give this presentation. (See also "Insane Dork".)

I started the presentation with some career bullets and a quote. That I wrote:

"When opportunity knocks, don't hide behind the couch."Melissa, 2014*

So I'm not. I'm not hiding. Or I am. It's really hard to tell what is or isn't hiding at this point.**

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* Yes I AM so narcissistic that I quoted myself in the presentation I created about myself.
** I don't have a job offer so all this introspection and soul searching is possibly very wasteful of my time and energy. So it goes.