Running Between Rain Drops

It's my birthday and I'll wax poetical if I want to.

I have a crisis about every birthday divisible by 5. This isn't some OCD-driven thing like my inability to stop a list at 7... well, maybe it is. But that doesn't matter because this year I turned 36, which is divisible by 1, 2, 3, 6, 12, and 18*. None of those is 5 which means I don't get to have a crisis.


I don't get to consider what I have or haven't accomplished in the preceding years. I don't get to worry that I should be this or that (married, in a house, with a dog, a queen of something... for example). I just get to reflect on totally random things like how my eyes sort of look crossed in the above picture and the touch-ups to reduce my splotchiness demonstrate my inability to touch-up pictures... so instead of splotchy, I'm blurry in very random spots.

So this is a post of all the things I am okay with today (with pictures of awesome things from this weekend).

I painted the surface blue so you couldn't see how dusty
it is. This is my new succulent garden. 

1. I am not happy all the time. I try to be. I work hard to be happy and I set goals with the intention of being happy and I fail sometimes. And that's okay.

2. I am not as thin/buff/athletic as I'd like to be and that's okay. Because most of the time I know that the body I was given will always be a little squishy and the cake I'm about to eat washed down by the 2nd glass of wine makes me happy (see #1) and happy is always better than not eating cake. Nothing tastes as skinny as happy feels. (<---proud of that one.)

Succulent conversation piece. 

3. I'm not married. Nor am I in a traditionally real relationship. But I am loved. And that's more than a lot of people and it can be enough. When it isn't enough, then it won't be what I'm doing.

4. I still don't know what the meaning of my life is. I don't have a passion or a purpose that translates into a job that will give me fulfillment. I can't be a starving artist. I can't be a devoted activist. I can only be me which is a passionate arguer for things that don't matter a whole a lot, but pay the bills and allow me to buy lots of cake and a gym membership so #2 is just a thing that I balance.

Emma made my nap a little bit pokey.

5. I have a gigantic family. This is the most important reflection of the last year. I've had this conversation a few times with various friends recently who are disappointed in certain qualities of family members. Shouldn't so-and-so want to spend this time with me? Shouldn't I be closer to my <insert family member>? This is why we have friends. These are the people we pick to fill in some of the gaps we may not even know we have. Being disappointed that someone genetically related to you isn't June Cleaver or whatever just leads to resentment. I have learned to love my family for who they are and who they can be to me. And when they fall short of what I need, that's where the family I picked comes in. And I am a lucky lucky girl.

In college my roommate and I would go puddle jumping when it rained. This is an activity that doesn't need explaining to a 5 year old, but 18-19 year olds have usually aged out of purposefully running through puddles... (And considering how damned cool we were, I'm amazed we'd do this.) Tory and I would put on our rain coats and run and jump into puddles like crazy people (strangely sober for college kids, too). By the time we'd go inside we'd be soaked to the bone and have to shower to warm up.

I took today off because working on my birthday isn't something I have to do anymore... Because I'm a grown up. I had tea and scones with my mom (we're very refined... I probably only said "fuck" once), took myself to lunch and read a magazine, got acupuncture from the hottest man who has ever stabbed needles into my body <insert sex pun here>, and came home for a run.

I thought I'd watched the clouds and timed my run perfectly to avoid the afternoon showers, but I was wrong. As I was panting through the park I thought of Tory and I, thinking we were grown ups, enjoying the freedom of being ridiculous. Why did I try to AVOID running in the rain today? I must have forgotten in all this growing up I've been doing that it's amazing to run into a puddle...


Pictures and video by me and my Samsung phone (also explains why all the people look short and fat). Song not by me. Don't sue me Mates of State... I'm not making any money off this blog and it's my birthday.

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*Note... I realized this morning (5/23) that I forgot 4 and 9 in my list of numbers that you can divide into 36. Sorry.