Grief is a new thing for me.
I've spent a little time with it here and there at the end of relationships. At the end of friendships. At the end of eras. But not the big losses. The life-changing, reevaluate-what's-important kind. Or maybe grief, like childbirth (which I've never done at all so why on earth am I using it as a metaphor?), is something you do eventually forget enough of that the next time it's startlingly dramatic?
I saw my therapist for the first time in 18 months because I'm not managing my reactions to life well right now. I yelled at WC when he said I checked the placement of his toe wrong (he was trying on new shoes and he wanted me to check toe placement and apparently this isn't a skill I have). I also yelled at one of my employees for helping. She was. Just not precisely, exactly, 100% the way I would have done it had I done it myself which I couldn't which is why she was helping. I mostly hate everything that isn't perfectly behaving exactly as I need it to.
This is not a healthy way to approach the world.
