I'm an excellent driver.

There's been a reoccurring theme in my relationship conversations (internal monologues and external dialogs) of the concept that we accept the relationships we think we deserve. Alternatively stated: We get what we ask for. (Not to be confused with "We get what we deserve"...that's very different than what we THINK we deserve. Note the subtle difference.)

This theme surfaced again most recently in "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" which I saw alone on Black Friday and cried so hard I nearly suffocated myself trying to swallow audible sobs. (2 stars out of 5 if you want my rating. Everything makes me cry so the cry-o-meter is no indication of its cinematic prowess.) Even in the trailer there's a quote "Why do I, and everyone I love, pick people who treat us like we're nothing?"

Cyber Monday: A Haiku or two

On Monday web shops

advertise their best prices.

I want stupid crap!

Cyberman

How to Give Thanks in 25 Steps

Wednesday

Step 1: Spend $100 at Whole Foods. Arrange food on counter attractively.  

First Distraction: Realize you really are a fire hazard.

Wednesday is the new Friday.

I have to admit I was SUPER excited when I got the holiday cup from Starbucks the day after Halloween. Some years I'm definitely a grinch and others, like this year, I'm ready to put up lights and listen to Christmas music November 5th. In honor of my Christmas cheer, I'd like to offer a guide for people struggling for gift ideas.

Can I bring my knitting to the sports bar?

Preface: WC is not my boyfriend. For reasons and explanations I'll keep to myself, we are dating, but non-exclusively... I have little reason to believe this will change in the near future. And thus...
__________________________________

Just for giggles (or because I've been too upbeat after that funeral I went to yesterday), I Googled "where to meet men."My results included articles in Cosmo, Ladies Home Journal, a feminist site called "All Women Stalk," and 1.1 billion other links to what can only be assumed to be quality advice.

Here are my efforts so far (online profiles excluded because they're not remotely entertaining until you've actually met a man who wears ski pants on the first date):

1. Cooking Class.  I did it. I took a 3 session cheese making class because how could I go wrong with a man who loves cheese? And it started off promising as there was a very hot young nurse in my first class...  but he failed to show up the for the other 2 classses. But now I can make cheese. Cheese even my BFF refuses to try, but it's good and I haven't murdered anyone who has tried it yet.

Quick thinking or Random thoughts

1. I've been thinking about getting a ring tattoo. The hard part is that I kind of want it on the middle finger of my left hand, but I don't want anyone to think it's so when I flip them off it's more artful. I don't flip off well with my left hand anyway. I'm a right-handed flipper.

2. I was blue yesterday and then I had wine and talked politics with my dad which is normally a bad idea, but for some reason reminded me that everything is okay. I mean, how can you take someone seriously who says "Jon Stewart is an idiot" and then wants to buy your mom an iPad mini even though she's a Kindle Touch kind of woman? It's just incomprehensible and is filed away as "my dad rules (and is probably crazy)."

Age is something like a number. A very big number.

"DOCTOR!"

For a long time I refused to watch TV shows on Netflix because I knew it had the potential to ruin my life. If I start watching my Buffy DVDs, I don't leave the house again until I've watched all 7 seasons (the musical episode and Hush at least 5 more times each). But then I succumbed. Succame(d). I gave in.

Fair warning: This is a reaaally dorky post and contains spoilers about Doctor Who if you're not current through Season 6.... Buffy and Angel ended in like 2002 so if you haven't watched it yet, you're on your own. But I imagine most of you have already stopped reading...

I started watching the new Doctor Who series this spring and would stay up until 2:00 a.m. on week nights watching episodes on my laptop which I would take to bed with me (having a TV in the bedroom is bad)...

I plowed through those, then watched all of Torchwood, then all of a Sherlock (same writer as Doctor Who: Stephen Moffat) and then I was just sad. And terribly devoid of British accents in my bedroom. So I started watching Angel. Despite being a gigantic fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and just about everything else Joss Whedon has ever touched, I barely watched any of the 5 seasons of Angel when they were on TV so there are tons of new-to-me episodes.

The Work Crush Chronicles: Episode 2 - The Seduction

I just made myself laugh thinking of "seduction." If you need a recap on the pre-dating situation, please discover my sweaty ass here. In fact, you will likely need a recap as I reference each of the Sweaty Ass Events below and it's important that you keep up. 

Grasping
Once I decided to woo WC instead of just sweat at him from afar I had to come up with a plan. As David Sedaris wrote: "If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever." (Me Talk Pretty One Day.)  I was grasping at straws to find things in common. Here's what I had:

1. Las Vegas: He loves; I hate. I milked this for what I could. 
2. Politics: I'm a hippy; he owns guns. Limited potential for relationship starting. 
3. Sports: I'm an idiot; he's a huge jock (see also "Are you watching basketball?" below). I'm already bored with this topic. 
4. Work: ding ding ding... except it could also be the downfall of any attempted wooing if someone is actually smart enough to realize what a bad idea it is to date a coworker. Especially someone with my track record. 
5. Working out at fancy gyms. See Sweaty Ass event #2

You'll never get me alive!

WC was over the other night to pick me up and he stopped at the stove.

Him: Can we fix this? 
Me: Fix what?
Him: This is a total fire hazard. 
Me: The stove isn't on. 
Him: But the cats could turn it on. 
Me: The cats? The cats could turn the stove on?
Him: Accidentally. 
Me: You need thumbs to turn these knobs! Cats don't have thumbs!
Him: But it could happen... 
Me: ......
Him: Can we just move the towels? 

I threw them to the side of the stove defiantly...(And really, cats ARE dicks. Thanks Meghan.)