Age is something like a number. A very big number.

"DOCTOR!"

For a long time I refused to watch TV shows on Netflix because I knew it had the potential to ruin my life. If I start watching my Buffy DVDs, I don't leave the house again until I've watched all 7 seasons (the musical episode and Hush at least 5 more times each). But then I succumbed. Succame(d). I gave in.

Fair warning: This is a reaaally dorky post and contains spoilers about Doctor Who if you're not current through Season 6.... Buffy and Angel ended in like 2002 so if you haven't watched it yet, you're on your own. But I imagine most of you have already stopped reading...

I started watching the new Doctor Who series this spring and would stay up until 2:00 a.m. on week nights watching episodes on my laptop which I would take to bed with me (having a TV in the bedroom is bad)...

I plowed through those, then watched all of Torchwood, then all of a Sherlock (same writer as Doctor Who: Stephen Moffat) and then I was just sad. And terribly devoid of British accents in my bedroom. So I started watching Angel. Despite being a gigantic fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and just about everything else Joss Whedon has ever touched, I barely watched any of the 5 seasons of Angel when they were on TV so there are tons of new-to-me episodes.

Angel:
He's a little cro-magnon for me. 

About halfway through the first season there's an episode that explores what if Angel and Buffy could be together and Angel wouldn't totally freak the fuck out and eat people? (He's a vampire if you're not aware of the lore... Vampire with a soul unless he has a moment of happiness that will then steal his soul and he'll be a bloodsucking evil vampire again. True love = bad news. Buffy = love, etc). I found myself watching this episode in disbelief bordering on outrage. Why the fuck would a 200+ year old vampire fall for a 16 year old? I don't care that he was turned n his 20s and won't ever age. He's lived for 200+ years and even the most immature of dudes isn't going to want to hang out with a cheerleader and her gang of teen crime fighters in a sexy way.

Unless he's uber creepy and shouldn't be ALLOWED to hang out with teenagers.

I won't deny the Buffy/Spike love-scenes were HOTTT!

And this realization is why these shows aren't targeted to chronically single women in their 30s, but to teenagers who think dating brooding older men is awesome.  Somewhere around 25 I realized that brooding men are creepy and not that fun.

So then I got disappointed in college-me for loving the Buffy-Angel storyline and even hanging in there when Buffy dates a SECOND ancient vampire who falls for her. Granted, Spike is much younger than Angel and has a british accent, he's still 100+ years older than Buffy. Gross.

The new Doctor Who series plays out at least two seasons of Rose's puppy love for Doctors #9 and #10. Rose is, at least, approaching 20, maybe even in her 20s, when we first meet her. And luckily nothing really happens because the Doctor is a cool character who realizes he's 900 years older than she and that's probably weird, if not a little wrong.  (Yes, I do remember the Doctor clone going with Rose, but that's different because I said so and I'm pretty sure the clone was afraid of dying alone and we all do crazy things when we're afraid.)

It seems a lot of his young companions harbor romantical feelings for him and I can see it. I habor them. He's tall, witty, wears a suit with Chuck Taylors every day (I'm looking at you, #10), has very good hair, and lets you ride in his time traveling spaceship. And is British. But he never takes advantage of these young girls' affections... Because he's a wise old man and not a creeper.

River can be my daughter any day.

Enter River Song. Here's where the spoilers come in if you're not current. Stop now.

River, the child of two of the Doctor's most recent companions, is snatched away from her parents at birth and reintroduced to them when she's likely in her 40s-50s. River represents the one and only real romantic relationship that the Doctor engages in (since I started watching anyway... I haven't watched Doctors 1-8, yet, so don't get all up in my shit).

Because of River's age she has actual wisdom. She's seen and done things. And lived things. The Doctor's other companions (and River probably doesn't count as a full-blown companion) are youthful, and while they often provide a moral compass the Doctor needs from time to time, they are there because they're young and stupid enough to get into a blue box with a handsome strange man. These companions are fun for time travel, but they're not life-partners.

The Doctor and River can't be a traditional couple because they live in a world that won't really allow it, but they share wisdom that comes with experience... and age. Not borderline statutory crimes. And it's not all "oh boo, I can't be with my love so I will mope for 10 years..." They keep their shit together.

I get that even if River is 50, the Doctor is like 900+ (and looks like he's 25) and that's a considerable age difference. But if I've learned nothing, age means less and less once you're over 30... and I bet once I hit 40 I'll be totally keen to date the 50-60 year olds. By 50?  Bring it on ancient Time Lord! All Liz Lemon and I want is someone who shows up every now and again to eat the food I've made, but doesn't feel the need to hang around all the time. 

So stop reading books about Vampires and teenage girls, friends. It's gross unless you're a romantic teenage girl. Watch Doctor Who with me because it's realistic and makes sex symbols out of wise older-than-30 women.

I promise to have thoughts more people will care about in a few days.

The post is brought to you by so many nights spent alone... so. many. nights. And my fear of dying alone at the paws of my cats. And Wikipedia. Thanks for all the pictures, Wikipedia.