Evolution

Resolutions:
I hereby resolve to continue to love and hate my job until I decide it's time to quit. Which may be in 2013. Or it may not.

I hereby resolve to continue to workout 5 days a week, on average, so that I can eat whatever I feel like (within reason) and not gain weight. And if I do gain weight, I resolve to still love myself while I quit my once-a-day chai and cookies habit until that weight is lost so that I can start that habit back up.

...And if you didn't go to the gym in all of 2012, can you please go when I'm not there during January... like at 7 a.m.? I really do feel like I've earned the right to those treadmills at 6 p.m. and hate how I can't have one the entire month of January... (I'm an asshole.) 

Lightning doesn't strike twice

My parents were married 43 years ago today. They dated for 6 years, starting in High School. I looked at each boyfriend until I was 21/22 (the ages they were when they married) with "if I followed in my parents' footsteps, I'd marry this asshole."

Hipster Holidays and a Ducky New Year

Have a Merry Christmas or Emma will cut you.

It's Christmas Eve and I've been kind of blue this morning which is pretty normal for the holidays, but still unwelcomed. Part of my problem, I'm sure, is that I didn't take the day off. So I'm sitting at home, pretending to work, sending just enough emails to look like I shouldn't be fired.

I feel fine

It's been a busy week and will be a busy weekend.

I should be working right now, but with the end of the world happening today, I thought I should reflect on the signs of the impending apocalypse from this week:

Awkward Embrace

Would you be surprised to know that I'm bad at hugging?

Or that I'm bad at drawing?

I wasn't raised in an unfeeling home. My parents hugged me all the time. Still do. Once I'm in a romantic relationship and all physical contact has been previously initiated by that partner, I'm great at hugging, and snuggling, and hand holding. I love it.

However, outside of my parents and well established romantic relationships, I'm a social outcast at hugging. Some may theorize it's my parents' midwestern upbringing. But I was raised in Colorado. We wear jeans to everything. We're laid back. We hug. Or some people do....

Sandbells ring. Are you listening?

...on my face, sweat is glistening. 

A beautiful sight. I'm sweaty tonight. 

Tomorrow I won't be walking anywhere. 

I've talked about my gym a few times. Notably featuring my sweaty ass. I'm pretty much a creature of habit at the gym which I know is why I don't gain muscle, lose weight, or find a rich husband. So tonight I broke out of my grind and took a Sandbells class.

Here's how the gym's website describes it:

Grip it. Toss it. Swing it. Slam it. Challenge your grip strength and core stability with this new fitness tool. The Sandbell can be used like a dumbbell, medicine ball, kettle bell, sliding disc and much more. Sandbell training will not only physically challenge you from head to toe, it will leave you wanting more! cardio * strength * flexibility * 

I get incredibly nervous about taking new classes. Before puberty I was an incredibly athletic and fearless kid. I pointed my skis straight down the hill and had such a great throwing arm I played third base in softball. Then puberty hit and I picked up overwhelming self-consciousness and fear of pain. I also really don't like to suck at things. I don't have to win, but I have to be a contender. Or I don't want to play. So I quit athletics and I picked up smoking. At which I excelled.

Hipster Craft Fair and the Jock

Text with WC today.

1:56 PM
Me: Hey guy who likes shopping ... Hipster craft fair this evening. Maybe good for finding gifts for the family. Maybe just a bunch of overpriced junk. Definitely lots of men with beards and women with awkward haircuts. Interested? (He really does love shopping.)

3:06 PM
Me: Remember when I invited you to go to the craft fair only an hour ago? I'm taking back the invite because my sister called and she wants to hang out. 

Lessons in Corporate Douchery

It's been a rough work week. For those of you who know me in real life, you know I have a weird job that I alternatively hate and feel cultishly devoted to. At a very high level, I manage Procurement for a technology company. "Procurement" sounds important, but it just means I negotiate the purchase of stuff... mostly equipment I don't understand and labor services to put that equipment together. This means my entire job is to be a customer at all times. And since the customer is always right, I have free reign to be a gigantic douche to my vendors. And then vendors offer me free tickets to things and buy me lunch and shit. It's a pretty cool gig.