Sandbells ring. Are you listening?

...on my face, sweat is glistening. 

A beautiful sight. I'm sweaty tonight. 

Tomorrow I won't be walking anywhere. 

I've talked about my gym a few times. Notably featuring my sweaty ass. I'm pretty much a creature of habit at the gym which I know is why I don't gain muscle, lose weight, or find a rich husband. So tonight I broke out of my grind and took a Sandbells class.

Here's how the gym's website describes it:

Grip it. Toss it. Swing it. Slam it. Challenge your grip strength and core stability with this new fitness tool. The Sandbell can be used like a dumbbell, medicine ball, kettle bell, sliding disc and much more. Sandbell training will not only physically challenge you from head to toe, it will leave you wanting more! cardio * strength * flexibility * 

I get incredibly nervous about taking new classes. Before puberty I was an incredibly athletic and fearless kid. I pointed my skis straight down the hill and had such a great throwing arm I played third base in softball. Then puberty hit and I picked up overwhelming self-consciousness and fear of pain. I also really don't like to suck at things. I don't have to win, but I have to be a contender. Or I don't want to play. So I quit athletics and I picked up smoking. At which I excelled.

In 2011 I challenged myself to go to 10 new yoga classes... that meant 10 completely different teachers, studios, or styles of yoga. It was a fun challenge but still within some comfort zone as I've been doing yoga for a long time. I've come to terms with my limitations: I'm terrified of inversions, tripod feels like my neck is going to snap, I have tendinitis in my wrists, and certain poses really ARE meant for people that don't have little buddha bellies... which I do.


So what I'm getting at is that getting my not-out-of-shape, but not-athletic ass to a new class is a bit unnerving. But tonight I decided that "sandbells" sounded like a good idea. Sandbells are bags of sand that you toss around while doing squats, lunges, planks, etc. (I found this video. I only watched about 30 seconds of it. You get the idea.) (Note: you shouldn't be allowed to call things bells if they don't ring or aren't precious in some way).

I didn't die. And I didn't cry. And I didn't run. But I did sit in the sauna longer than I should have because my ass didn't want to do anything but sit. And I did take about 10 minutes just get my shoes back on. And I'm pretty sure I won't be able to lift a spoon tomorrow. But I went.

Living in a state that thrives on extreme sports and activities, it's awkward to not be inclined in that direction myself. Each date is like an interview in athleticism.

No. I don't do snow sports. I'm afraid I'll break my leg and  I hate being cold. I do love to drink in the mountains though. You get wasted much faster. I would snowshoe, although I never have. 

No. I don't ride a bike. As a driver in this city, I'm pretty terrified I'll accidentally murder someone on a bicycle and since I'm afraid of that as a conscientious driver, what about all these assholes who actually don't care and will then try to murder me if I'm on a bike? (Remind me to tell you about the last time I rode a bike...)

No. I don't run in marathons. Despite working out 5 days a week, I have never had great endurance for running. I can run a mile and then I want to vomit. (Note: I am not the type to push through the vomit. Nausea = stop. I think this is just good life advice.)  

No. I don't rock climb. I will never bungee jump. I will never sky dive (it's hard enough to get me on a plane... not going to be jumping from one).  

I jog on the treadmill. I like the elliptical. I take a Barre-style ballet class once a week. I row. I crunch. And I walk. I walk everywhere. If it's over 32 degrees and I'm not going to fall down on ice, I walk. And I do vinyasa/power yoga 1-2 times a week. In yoga, if you're tired or simply not feeling it, you're encouraged to go into child's pose... which really means "just lay down." In fitness classes, no one ever tells you to just lay down. They tell you to power through. Just 10 more burpees (Fuck you, burpee.)

WC ran a Tough Mudder. If you're not aware of this phenomenon, it's a 10 mile race with obstacles and lots of mud.  Here's the video he sent me of the North Carolina Mudder (he ran in Colorado). The last bit before the finish lines where there are all those strings hanging down? Those are live electrical wires shocking people.  I cried a little watching this video because it scares me so much. People paid to jump into ice baths and then be shocked.

I get that it's about teamwork. Go team! I get that it makes people feel alive. You know what makes me feel alive? A really good cookie.

Tomorrow, when my hamstrings give out and my triceps are tight as rocks, that cookie will taste so good.