Glutton-free

For the last 2 years I've given up gluten for the month of January. It's not like a New Year's Resolution as I don't do those, but just a good time of year to make myself more miserable since I'll already be depressed. My acupuncturist thinks being gluten free will help clear up my acne, eczema, and/or depression, and I listen to just enough of her advice to be annoying.

What I've learned over the last 2 years is that I'm definitely on the scale of gluten intolerant... although not bad enough quit it for good. Depending on the volume of my consumption, I might be a little bloated, or I might be begging for my fat pants... 2 sizes up.

In preparation for my month of glutenlessness, I am gluten-loading like it's the day before the big race. (The race being for people running away from the angry bloat-monster I become.) For some reason I got two slices of pizza last night. Now, I know that sounds like something I'd roll my eyes at. Oooh, I had 2 M&Ms... Shut it unless you mean 2 BAGs. These so called "slices" of pizza are bigger than my cat (the small one, but still). This was an unacceptable amount of food. I followed it up by eating what amounted to probably 4-5 cookies.

Do I need a jump-start or just a nap?

I'm feeling reflective which is actually somewhat unique for me this time of year as I usually just feel relieved that that the holidays are over but I think I missed them they came and went so quickly. I totally phoned in gift giving and opted for random shit I found in the stocking stuffer sections of stores. So everyone got 3 things from me instead of one thoughtful gift... which turned out okay for most people, but I think I missed the joy from finding that one special thing for everyone.

I was on the phone with WC last night and he said "You sound blue. Is everyone okay?" "Of course. I'm just sad... I mean, I'm just tired" and I wiped away an unnecessary tear that showed up uninvited. Apparently he and my subconscious are on a wavelength my conscious self hadn't caught up with yet. I'd even been congratulating myself on not getting the holiday blues a few days prior. Go me!

On this Eve of the Eve of Christmas Eve

To the woman who flipped me off:

Why? Why did you do this?

I was just driving down an alley to my home. It is not a one-way alley although it does only fit one car. I know it must have been very annoying to find me in the alley after all the effort your male companion had made in pulling out of your parking spot. And I know that it must have really sucked to have to pull back INTO that same parking spot to let me pass.

But to flip me off? And with such venom in your eyes. Like I'd kicked your baby. Or worse, like I'd stolen your precious parking spot at the mall 3 days before Christmas. None of which I did!  

I realize it looks like she's flipping me a cross, but I promise it was a bird.

But you won't win because I won't think about this at all. Not a second thought will be given. No free rent in MY brain to you, young lady! 

The speed of sound is slower than you think... or slower than I think

At the gym tonight I took a class using the VipR. I've taken it a few times and I was super excited because the friend I'd mentioned in my last post was there and she asked me to be friends again and it was awesome. (Note: We still haven't exchanged info because we don't carry our phones in the gym and I must be remembering her last name wrong because I can't find her on Facebook.) 

Yup. Just me and my VipR. In the park. Being ripped.
Or this isn't me. 

So, in between sets of torture half of the class had to switch sides of the room with the other half of the class. For some reason, this one lady and I kept walking directly at each other. No matter how I started my walk/crawl to the other side of the room, we always ended up doing the dance... left... no right... no you go left. 

And to me this is funny because it happens all the time. I assume it's because I'm like the sun and I create a gravitational pull. I usually just stop moving and let the other person pick a side and then they go around. This is not because I think I'm too good to go around, but to cut to the chase. Someone has to make a decision that doesn't mirror the decision of their partner. 

Origin Stories

I went to see Thor: The Dark World the weekend it came out because I need reasons to leave the house when there's work looming. The original Thor (in the current reboot) was kind of boring because they spent SO much time on the origin story that you didn't get much meat. (FYI: I loved the Dark World for it's delicious meaty center... aka Loki.)

Plus, I was annoyed by the Jane-and-Thor-love-at-4-hours-of-knowing-each-other, MFEO bullshit. At 36.5 (I'm counting half years again), and still very very single, I find this obnoxious and lacking in realism. I'll believe in semi-gods of Thunder coming from the sky with giant hammers, but love at first site? Ridic and insulting to my intelligence.

Can you imagine them at a dinner party? "So how'd you guys meet?" "Well, my father took my hammer, banished me to earth, and while there I met this tiny little scientist with whom I fell madly in love.  And while I vowed to return I got distracted by alien invasions and whatnot. When I did come back like 2 years later she was still single and I took her to meet my parents who weren't impressed. Also, it's pretty much her fault that a bunch of people died. No big."