The speed of sound is slower than you think... or slower than I think

At the gym tonight I took a class using the VipR. I've taken it a few times and I was super excited because the friend I'd mentioned in my last post was there and she asked me to be friends again and it was awesome. (Note: We still haven't exchanged info because we don't carry our phones in the gym and I must be remembering her last name wrong because I can't find her on Facebook.) 

Yup. Just me and my VipR. In the park. Being ripped.
Or this isn't me. 

So, in between sets of torture half of the class had to switch sides of the room with the other half of the class. For some reason, this one lady and I kept walking directly at each other. No matter how I started my walk/crawl to the other side of the room, we always ended up doing the dance... left... no right... no you go left. 

And to me this is funny because it happens all the time. I assume it's because I'm like the sun and I create a gravitational pull. I usually just stop moving and let the other person pick a side and then they go around. This is not because I think I'm too good to go around, but to cut to the chase. Someone has to make a decision that doesn't mirror the decision of their partner. 

It works for me. 

Tonight, as Lady and I were crossing paths again I smiled because, once again, we were doing the dance. She looked at me, said something I assumed was a joke about our dancing to which I replied laughingly "I know, right?".

When I reached the other side of the room the sound caught up with me. Her sound, both tone and words. "You could step out of the way." It wasn't friendly. It was mean. And she was mad because she thought I wasn't moving because I'm a jerk. And I'm not a jerk. I'm just an idiot. Those are different things. 

And of course I began thinking of witty comebacks: 

1. Sarcastic. My original comment could remain: "I know, right?" because obviously I COULD step out of the way, but I don't. 

2. Angry. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were more important than I am. Noted."

3. Dismissive. "Get over yourself, Lady."

4. Manipulative. "I got the memo. I'm an asshole." 

5. Apologetic. "I really did keep trying to go a different direction as you, but we still always ended up in the same spot. I'm sorry you felt like I wasn't being respectful." 

Luckily, after she kindly notified me of my assholery, she proceeded to never make eye contact with me again so I couldn't give her the stink eye or the apology. I could have sought her out, but what's the point? She'd decided I was a jerk. And I probably am. At least a little. 

This delayed hearing happens all the time. I think I know what someone is going to say so I react and I respond, but then I ACTUALLY hear them and it's different. And I wonder if my brain is broken because the thoughts and words are traveling quickly and then they seem to hit pudding and the words have to squish through the pudding and come together in my brain in a logical order. I imagine I regularly look like a dog with my head tilted.

Huh?....... Are you speaking English? That doesn't sound like English. Oh wait... yup... those are English words. Oooooohhhhh. Myyyyy. God! I understand what you're saying! Why did I already answer when I still didn't know if you were speaking English or not?

Today's lesson? Listen. Think. Speak. In that order. 

To Lady I say without sarcasm, "I'm sorry that my actions were thoughtless. Mostly because I didn't think about them. I'm actually a nice person... and also, maybe just calm down a little. It's not like I pooped in your shoes."