Secrets

I just wanted you to see my TARDIS tea diffuser, I use it
with pride behind closed doors

Sex and the City had an episode about Secret Single Behavior. Things they did that they were ashamed of and missed doing once they were living with their significant other. I haven't lived with someone for nearly 13 years. That's... well, that's a teenager is what that is.

Here are things I do because I think no one is watching even though some of these are in public:

1. When I walk by a window I check myself out. I like to believe people think I'm just looking THROUGH the window, but what I want to know is if I look fat or how my ass looks in these pants. But I truly believe people think I'm just window shopping.

Gesticulating Wildly

Sometimes I want credit for things working right. I think when I figure out a problem at work, I should get a gold star and be allowed to go home. The problem is that these wins at work are always at 9:30 in the morning and people might frown on my calling it a day that early. The truth, though, is that it will all be downhill from there. Thirty minutes later I'll say something dumb, or fall out of my chair (it happens) or I'll get yelled at for existing.

I'm not a pessimist or a cynic exactly. I'm not always waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I find with my wins there's always something coming soon to remind me to be humble.

Buy Two, Get One Free

It started off like any other week. Monday morning I was depressed about being in the office. By Tuesday I'd gotten into my groove. Wednesday I had to take Emma in for a teeth cleaning and extraction and I'd conned my real estate agent into coming down to look at a property with me that I wasn't really interested in.

In Real Estate, like in online dating, if there are no pictures, I won't even open the listing. It's not that I'm superficial, but if there aren't pictures, I feel like there's something that's being hidden. Like a lack of teeth. Or signs of a meth related explosion.

Go Broncos

Advance warning: This post is like one of those phone calls from a friend you talk to every day and you've run out of things to say, but you want to talk anyway so you converse about toe lint and what you ate for breakfast. 

I bought two great prints from Etsy a few weeks ago because I've decided my wall decor is stupid and I need new stuff.  They both arrived this week so I needed to get some frames. Originally WC was going to go with me, but since he actually likes sports and doesn't see a major sporting event as a REASON to go shopping, he bailed on me to watch the Broncos.

No worries. I made my way to Ikea thinking "Maybe I'll pick up a few fun things in addition to the frames." 

Halfway through my trip I texted WC to let him know I was furious he'd allowed me to come alone because my $30 trip was going to hit triple digits AND require the purchase of one of their stupid blue bags.  If he'd been with me I would have quietly lusted for things and only picked up what I was destined for. (We're not at that point in our relationship where I want him to know quite how impulsive my impulse buys are.... oohh, shiney!)

I could tell he was pleased that I would be further engaged the rest of the afternoon in putting together my bounty because I like to text him a lot while he's watchings sports with questions like "Did they fumble the basket?" and "I'm told the players have cute butts. What do you think?".