Gesticulating Wildly

Sometimes I want credit for things working right. I think when I figure out a problem at work, I should get a gold star and be allowed to go home. The problem is that these wins at work are always at 9:30 in the morning and people might frown on my calling it a day that early. The truth, though, is that it will all be downhill from there. Thirty minutes later I'll say something dumb, or fall out of my chair (it happens) or I'll get yelled at for existing.

I'm not a pessimist or a cynic exactly. I'm not always waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I find with my wins there's always something coming soon to remind me to be humble.


The other day I took my car to the dealership for its regular maintenance as well as to fix something I broke. I expected that piece to cost a lot of money. But it was free. IT WAS FREEEEE. So I took my happy ass to the waiting room, feeling like I owned that whole day. I then proceeded to make myself a cup of tea in their waiting room and got a splinter from the teabag. Seriously. A little stem of tea embedded itself in my finger.*

The other day I was in line to purchase some shirts and another patron asked if I wanted his discount coupon because he couldn't use it and it expired that day. I took it with loud appreciation (I think he regretted the gift) as I realized he'd basically handed me $30 because that's how much I didn't have to pay. I wanted to hug him. I owned the rest of that shopping trip. Queen of all shoppingdom!

Right after, I got a great parking spot at the Whole Foods that usually makes me cry (the lot is small, the patrons are entitled and mean) and I felt on top of the world. And a little nervous. Was someone going to punch me in the face? $30 savings AND a quick and easy parking spot at Whole Foods? I tried to keep my cool as I was walking behind people texting in the middle of an aisle, or the weird old lady breathing on all the food at the food bar. Nope, I wasn't going to let these minor inconveniences ruin my good-day-high.

I paraded my goods to the parking lot, ready to head home for lunch. As I was pulling out of my awesome spot, I could see someone was already waiting for me. Fine. No big deal. Except, that person was on the wrong side of the road (so to speak) and would force me to go to left of her (which is WRONG!). So I didn't. Because she had plenty of room to move. But she wouldn't.  I waved at her angrily. She waved back at me like I was stupid. I mean, really? The gall of her not-sign-language insinuating that I was dumb one.

This is me gesticulating and her flipping me off. I don't know
why my car looks like a platypus. I should fire my illustrator

I considered pulling right up in front of her so she could only back up. And I considered moving just far enough out of the way that would allow someone else to get into the spot. Instead, I went to the left of her shouting cuss words that weren't necessary, gesticulating wildly, and I knew the universe had set things right.

This is a close-up of me angrily waving my arms.
I bet that bitch was super afraid. 

Yes, I was being overly dramatic about a minor issue. But I'd been dethroned and I was humbled back to remembering that I'm just one of a million ants making her way through this day. Well played, Universe. Well played.
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* Would you believe that my Facebook friends were incredulous when I said I'd gotten a splinter from tea? I explained it was true, but that I was pretty calm about it because it was chamomile.... For real.

** If you're following along, I am officially under contract for the townhome.  Which means you'll NEVER hear the end of it. Unless the bank rejects me which would be really dumb because I look very good on paper. Unless I'm drawing the picture on the paper and then I'm bald and angry.