Vagina Monologue

The picture has nothing to do
with this post. But it makes me
laugh a lot. 

Last Wednesday I went to a class at the gym in the morning and came home about 8:15 a.m. I parked and went upstairs. 

I had a doctor's appointment at 4:00 so at 3:30 I went out to my car... which had rolled into the middle of the parking lot.... because I hadn't placed the parking brake. I was so embarrassed. My car must have been in the middle of the lot the whole day. (It certainly could have been worse... it could have hit someone/something). 

I drove to the doctor's office while on a conference call. I was 15 minutes early and still on the call so I sat in my car and yapped. Then I got of the car, still yapping away. 

I had a wonderful culposcopy* (fuck you, vagina) and just wanted to go home and cry (it wasn't bad, but I was super PMSy and it hurt and I spent the whole procedure thinking "I'm going to go get sushi and go home and cry... I'm going to go get sushi and go home and cry..."). 

I kept it together and got out to my car to find it dead. It wouldn't turn over. Nothing. Just clicks. Then it started to tick like there was a bomb in it and since I've been watching a lot of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. I wondered if I was about to die, but I didn't get out of the car because I realized that I'm not interesting enough for someone to try to kill me with a bomb.... or a Deathlok. 

Instead I sobbed hysterically while trying to call my dad (who works nearby). He didn't answer. I called my mom who was far away and taking a walk with a friend. I continued to sob because my car wouldn't start. Not exactly the end of the world (nor the first time it has happened in my life), but a passerby may have thought so. She offered to come down, but I wouldn't let her. 

I cleaned myself up and called WC and managed to only cry a little. Luckily, he was nearby and it really was just a dead battery... because... 

drum roll.... 

I'd left my lights on. At 4:00 on a sunny afternoon. 

I didn't tell him about the parking brake failure from earlier in the day because my ego couldn't take the hit.

I totally blame my vagina.
____________________
*I'm all clear. Every 7 or so years this happens and it always turns out to be nothing... still a little nerve-wracking, though.