Crushing

I think I have a crush on this woman who teaches my Sandbells class. Andrea, the instructor, would probably annoy me if I wasn't kind of in love with her.

1. Her class is too hard. But she always gives me a thumbs up when I drop the weights and just do whatever the hell I feel like while everyone else follows directions. 
2. I hate props and she loves them... That half ball thing, and steps, and whatever. I want the sandbell to be my only prop. I hate trying to balance on things (which I know means it's probably good for me... shut up). But I want her to like me so I keep trying. Which I guess makes her a good instructor. 
3. She hates the sandbells. I'm not sure why she's teaching the class, but she really doesn't know what to do with them. I really like them. I want her to like them. 

Things that happened: Highway to the Danger Zone

Because you have the song in your head already anyway you might as well start here. (It's actually a medley of Top Gun songs because I guess Warner Brothers keeps suing people for using the full song on YouTube.) 

Thing 1: I was attacked(ish). I was all set to head off for a hike this morning when I heard something vibrating in my sink. That's right, vibrating. I hadn't done the dishes yet so I assumed that the rotting food had grown legs and was trying to escape. I wasn't wrong.... exactly.

There was the giantest moth in the universe (yes, universe) flap flap flapping his giant bat-wings trying to get out of the mouth of the sink. I screamed. Loudly enough that my neighbors SHOULD have come to find out if I was being murdered, but I now know that they will be useless to me when I am actually being murdered.

My brain:

Short Story

Mr Darcy and I just got in a horrible fight. I can't even remember how it started, but it ended with me shoving him off the bed shouting "My bed! This is my bed! You don't pay rent. You're a cat!" and him hissing at me and looking at me like I'd just betrayed him. Which I guess I did. 

Relationships are hard. 

2003... Back when we were young and in love. 

More Lessons in Corporate Douchery: Bitch Soup

The day after taking a single day off is rough. And I have an attitude problem which culminated in a coworker commenting, "Seems like you had Bitch Soup for lunch today."Wait. Did he just say that? 

This is from 2003? Bitch Soup. And bad sunglasses. 

Running Between Rain Drops

It's my birthday and I'll wax poetical if I want to.

I have a crisis about every birthday divisible by 5. This isn't some OCD-driven thing like my inability to stop a list at 7... well, maybe it is. But that doesn't matter because this year I turned 36, which is divisible by 1, 2, 3, 6, 12, and 18*. None of those is 5 which means I don't get to have a crisis.

Happy Birthday... everyone

Last year's cake... with candle holes, wax, and finger swipes.

May is a big birthday month in my life. My mom and sister share the same mid-May birthday (13th), one of my closest friends since 1st grade (24th), a great friend from college (8th), my best friend (11th), my cousin (12th), and most importantly: me (20th - shared with best friend's mom). What is it about August that causes so many people to get their baby-making on? I mean, presumably it's ridiculously hot everywhere so why is everyone trying to get all sweaty instead of holding still? All that sticky sexin'...

Nevermind. I don't want to talk about it.

The Cinco de Mayo situation.

After my post about RDJ on Sunday, I started drafting a post about the racism of the "Cinco de Drinko" signs I've seen all over town that I'd planned to post on Monday. It was such a poorly thought out post that it wasn't until Monday that I realized Sunday was the 5th of May and posting about it on the 6th of May was stupid. Regardless: People of America, stop fucking up other people's holidays by turning them into excuses to be drunk at 10 a.m. Just get drunk if you want to, but stop being a racist dick about it. 

Other things that happened:

Ode to RDJ

I don't want to talk about the failure of Stay Positive Week. If I've learned nothing in this life, it's that each failure offers the opportunity for success if you just shove it to the back of your mind and start talking about something else.

He thought he saw me in the crowd...

I want to talk about Robert Downey Jr.

Elmo's World

In what was Day 2 of my failed attempt at Stay Positive Week, I tried (and also failed) to storm out of my boss's office with a "Fine. Whatever. I'll send you that email." He called me back into his office, forcing me to not cry and explain that he's a douchebag without actually calling him a douchebag. 

This all came after getting in a fight with WC (at work, about work) and HIM storming off with his papers saying "UGH! I'll figure it out and tell you how I plan to resolve it." 

Anyway, tough day.