Not Responsible for Broken Windshields

Can I put this sign on my car and then throw rocks out the window? Does the sign alone eliminate the liability for my actions? I'm just wondering because I think I could start making signs and putting them up around my life:

"Not responsible for my snarky comments to what I perceive as your idiocy"?

"Not responsible for gastro-intestinal distress" on any mayonaise based salad left in the sun for 8 hours that I serve my friends? (I would never do this.)

I'm going to need a sign for my desk (and my life) "Not responsible for thinking I'm hilarious." I think this will save me an HR-related lawsuit later in life.

In my ongoing quest for under-bridesmaid dress attire and belly-sucking-in-garments, I returned the Victoria's Secret "shapewear" because I knew I'd end up peeing myself or ripping my dress trying to extricate myself from them. I've tried a handful of different things from different stores... Buying them... Trying them on at home... attempting to not hate myself for not loving myself more. 

I stopped in at Nordstroms on the way home yesterday to see what other options they had and I explained to the nice little octogenarian that I was looking for Spanx for under a strapless dress, but I didn't like the shorts-style and I'd tried the briefs but really needed something with an "escape hatch."

Oldest woman on earth: Escape hatch?

Me: You know... so I can... um... easily... go pee? Those little peep-holes seem messy. 

OWOE: Well, we have these which don't have the underwear at all, but go up over your breasts and then there are these which have an.. um... escape drawer... What did you call it? 

Me: Escape hatch. 

OWOE: Right. Let me know if you need a dressing room. 

Me: Word up, bitch. 

Except I totally didn't say that last thing because that would have lacked class.

"Not responsible for giving old people who work in the Intimates section of Nordstroms angina."

I just liked this picture I found on Google Images. 

"Not responsible for my complete lack of standard girly-ness." 

I'll be going to the wedding this weekend and it's going to be awesome and I have an awesome wonderful sweet date I'll tell you about after the wedding in case anyone who reads this gets really drunk and mentions to him while I'm not looking that I have a blog and that they know he's sweet because I've written about him on said blog because that wouldn't go over well with Private Guy. So keep your traps shut, readers!

"Not responsible for my inability to keep secrets/be private because I just get so excited!" 

Happy wedding, Kelly and Toby. I love you guys.