Persistence is a drink served at least twice

I've never been good at being the pursuer. I have crushes all the time but do pretty much nothing about them. In all my major relationships (and some not-relatioships) that weren't related to online dating (which is a whole different animal) I have been a somewhat innocent bistander to the initiation rituals. So, before we talk about my one and only success (I'm alluding to WC), let's talk about how things usually go.

This is a long one, so go grab a beer/coffee/pizza and allow Creedence to set the tone...

1. I've mentioned Alex before. He was boyfriend #1 that counted. We met at church camp. He wooed me by simply paying attention to me. To say Junior High was awkward for me is an understatement. I still can't look at pictures of myself at 12 and 13 without my chest tightening. I guess by 14 I'd blossomed into someone you wouldn't push into the lockers.

I didn't have much interest in Alex at first... He was kind of dopey and jocky. But he kept sitting next to me at meals. And he'd put his arm around me. And since it was church camp, there was lots of hand holding and whatnot, but he didn't let go after the song/event/whatever ended... and I was very confused. And then he kissed me in the chapel during movie night. And I was like "OH! Ok. I'm in to this."

2. JJ. I don't and won't talk about him much because he's not one of dudes I include in the "I've dated really nice people" club. When I met him I reaaaally disliked him. And really liked his friend, Jason. When I'm cataloging my failed attempts to woo, I'll talk about this Jason. Anyway, JJ would NOT leave me alone. I was quite literally sitting on Jason's lap (oh, to be 17 again) and JJ was asking me out. And I was really mean to his face, but he kept coming back... and if that isn't love, then what is?

3. NA. N and I dated for 8 months in college. He was friends with my roommate before he was my friend. He asked roommate "how do I get with Melicious?" To which she replied, "I don't know, but Andy is here all the time and they just hang out in her room and smoke cigarettes." So N started showing up randomly to smoke cigarettes even though he didn't really smoke... It was an easier woo because he was a kind person, smart, totally hot and a skater. So, well, everything I ever wanted in college. Until....

4. DD. Oh, Sweet D. D worked with me at the record store. One night when I was out with D, Kevin (who I'd really been crushing on for 8+ months), and my friend Tory, D decided to publicly confess his crush on me. Having worked with him and a bunch of other dudes at this record store (essentially a better smelling locker room), I knew he was a moody, serial cheater. In fact, I had at one point said to one of the other guys that I could never date someone like D... and yet his total willingness to crush on me made the fact that I was still seeing N a total non-issue. (For the record, I did NOT cheat on N. We had a weird non-committal relationship that is still debated today amongst no one.) Anyway, D needed me more than N,  so I decided to see D exclusively. Oh and he was in a band. I think bands trump skaters. In college.

....pause here for a long string of online dating scenarios and other nonsense...

5. SSS. Someday I'll tell you about SSS. I met him at my friend's wedding. He was her brother's best friend from High School and had apparently been very popular in High School. Which meant, to me, that he was out of my league and therefore just window dressing. After the wedding, however, as I was getting incredibly drunk at the open bar (one of the bartenders told me to stop drinking red wine because my teeth were turning pink and handed me a beer), SSS started paying a lot of attention to me. His flirting is exactly like mine in that we were trying to out-joke each other and laughing hysterically at ourselves. Eventually we made out on the bride's father's boat. Classy.

As he lived in a completely different state than me, I assumed it was a fun little wedding fling, but then he emailed me that week. And then he started calling. And then he asked if he could visit? And after he visited, he asked if I would visit him. Logistical nightmare? No way... I'll fly anywhere if you pay enough attention to me... and you'll see the Pixies with me.

....pause here for a another long string of online dating scenarios and other nonsense...

6. Then there was DB last year. I don't think I named him in my overly dramatic summary of our depressing relationship. As I mentioned, I'd known him forever. He was BFF with with the infamous N of #3 on this very list! DB and I hung out every couple of weeks for months before he suddenly got weird... like I do if I am trying to pursue someone... and I couldn't figure out why because I'm kind of an idiot.

Him: You know, we could make PLANS. We don't have to just decide to hang out last minute all the time. 

Me: I'm not good at plans. I'm good at last minute. 

Him: But we could, you know, make PLANS.

Me: Why are you being weird? 

And then I got a weird flirty text from him a week or so later.

Me: Are you trying to flirt? That would be dumb. 

Him: Why would it be dumb? We could try dating... 

Me: That is a terrible idea. Are you drunk? 

Him: Yeah. Nevermind. I'm just being weird. 

And then I freaked out and called N to ask him if DB had expressed interest in me and he said yes, but like months ago. And I told N that I thought it was a terrible idea and that it was his job as DB's BFF (I know, too many initials) to tell DB that I'm crazy and he shouldn't want to date me. And N said he'd already tried that (*sigh*).

And then things got weird with DB because I told him directly that I thought us dating was a really bad idea. And then we had a reunion dinner that was normal and not too weird and not a date, but the next day he texted that it was a date and I'd been very impressed with his table manners.

And if we've learned anything in this novella, it's that persistence, especially combined with wit, works for me. The relationships may not...

*****
Aside: My original draft had a few more examples but my brain was like, "Really? You think you should share every time a guy looked at you twice?" And I said to my brain, "I'm not being egotistical. I'm just as surprised as you are!" And my brain said, "Seriously, get to to point. Why is NA still in there? He barley pursued. You were like wheels on a skater's... skateboard...You know... rolly." And I said, "But NA did pursue some and NA informs the insanity if DD! Also, fuck you, brain. This is my blog."

Aside #2: I am not schizophrenic. I am under the care of a trained therapist, but she's only worried when my brain tells ME to fuck off. Not the other way around.