A biological imperative

Last night I dreamt my sister and I were going to the country and western warehouse (?) to buy little cowboy hats for the her 4 and 7 year olds (??).  While we were driving there we were talking about depression which we've both dealt with to varying degrees in our lives. She says to me something like "But if you feel the need to cry, you just have to do it because it clears your head and slowly whatever you were sad about starts to be something you can rationalize, understand, and get over." 

In the dream it was like this strange epiphany for me that all the times I try not to cry I'm actually feeding my depression but if I cry it out, the depression starts to leak out my eyeballs (???).

I woke up thinking that this conversation had really happened and was very confused because I couldn't remember a country and western warehouse store ever existing (think Costco with chaps in bulk) and why in the fuck would we be going there anyway?

Buy these here. But I have to ask, is this site racist? If so, I apologize.
I don't know what "custom chinks" are., but at least they're local?

I've read lots of articles on the scientific reason for crying and I still don't get it, but this post isn't about that. It's about loneliness. What the hell is its purpose? The more I share my own stories, the more I realize that I'm not alone in anything. My self-imagine issues, my fears of failure, my fears of success, my fears of dying alone, my fears of dying in public, generalized anxiety disorder, depression, my love of Doctor Who (which I KNOW I'm not alone in despite all my loser friends refusing to watch with me because the internet tells me other people are watching)... So why do we all think we're so alone sometimes? 

Is there some biological need that loneliness serves? I've been in relationships where I was way more lonely than when I was single and I think horniness covers the drive to procreate more than fearing being alone, so I reject the argument that it is a significant component in the propagation of our species. 

I get the people are pack animals in a lot of ways. We all want to feel like we belong. It's why gangs and cults always have members. But I'm not alone. I have a great family, a wonderful circle of friends, a not-boyfriend who regularly shows he cares even when I decide he doesn't (and even without him, I'm never alone). 

So where does this chest heaviness come from? Where does this desire to scream out "PAY ATTENTION TO ME!"come from? And since I know others have this same heaviness, why are we all so convinced we're not together in this? 

I cried at the farmers market when this little girl went over to ask someone if she could pet their dog. Just one tear. I don't really know why. Just sweet, I guess. I'm hoping since I indulged in that little cry, I've leaked out some future depression juice. I can only hope. 

This post has no logical end, so here's a picture of people who make me not alone. 

2006