Go lay down.

One of my favorite things about yoga is that if things get hard, you're encouraged to lay down, take a break, and join the class again when you're ready. I love laying down. It coincides well with hating when people tell me what to do. So I get in a sandbells class and the instructor shouts "10 MORE! YOU CAN DO IT! DON'T GIVE UP!" and I immediately want to lay down because fuck you. (But then I remember that I want to look like Madonna when I'm 52 so I have to keep working out and flexing in the mirror.)

My boss makes me want to fight until my eyes bleed. I have been fighting him on a topic for 3 months and I decided before I went on vacation that I would win this war. I WOULD WIN!


Fact: When you start thinking of things at work as winning or losing, it can't end well.

So I started my vacation with an email asking my boss when I could expect an answer on Topic X. And he didn't reply.

So the next day I asked again. And he didn't reply. This happened every day of my vacation until Day 6.

Day 6 I spent hating. Raging. Planning my conversations with him wherein I called him a lying weasel and explained to him in detail that I deserve respect. And imaging my employer trying to figure out how to carry on without me as I up and quit unless they let me report to anyone other than a muppet. And generally feeling sorry for myself.

Even though I had a day left of my vacation, I answered when a coworker called to chat about work (she didn't know I was on vacation). I told her what was going on and she said: "Please don't hate me. But get over it. Get. Over it. You can't control this. You can't win. Let it go."

But... but... but...

And I laid down to think about it.

I claim to be a philosophical buddhist, but I'm terrible at it because it requires discipline and a level of patience that I haven't really learned yet and to quit attaching myself to everything. I have a giant buddha tattooed on my leg and I'm incredibly attached to it.

But I laid down and quit attaching to the outcome of Topic X... quit fearing what would happen if I didn't get my way.... quit planning the wrath I would unleash upon my boss as he continued to defy me. I just laid down.

And I'm winning. Not at Topic X (although it seems to be progressing without my intervention), but at life. Me and fucking Charlie Sheen. WINNING!

Go lay down, my friend. Stop begging at the table. Don't bring anyone your leash. Just fucking lay down because it's too hard and you need a break and damn it feels good to lay down. You can join us again once you're ready.