Sometimes it costs $250 to find out you’re a terrible person.

Sometimes you’re just being dramatic because coming back from vacation means you have to be a grown up about your daily life again and you’re feeling blue about your life because your boss is an asshole.

Can we talk about how cliché it is to hate your boss? Nevermind. I don't want to.

So I was in Santa Barbara this weekend and it was beautiful and wonderful. My friend had a baby back in May and I hadn't met him yet so that had to happen.

I like to take selfies while holding babies.

And when my plane landed in Denver last night I cried. For real. Because I don't want to go to work. And the AC is out in my building. And my boss still hadn't responded to my email.

Warning: Gross things are coming... 

When I got home my sweet Emma was covered in her own boogers... one nostril was disgustingly clogged up and the other looked like it had been almost clogged. I felt horrible for leaving her for 3 days all alone. What if she'd suffocated on boogers? What a horrible way to go.

This is an old picture. I didn't photograph her boogers.
You're welcome. 

I called the vet this morning and even though she hadn't sneezed or created a booger all day, I still took her in. Come to find out she's down 3lbs from our last visit which is a lot when she was only 10lbs to begin with. And here's where I'm a terrible person: I didn't know she'd lost nearly 30% of her body weight.

So they took blood and my vet asked me what I feed her and I said "I rotate through various grain-free brands" and he said "Wy grain free?" and I froze up and said "Because the pet food store said it was the best" and he said "So if the guy at the grocery store told you to eat twinkies at every meal, that would make sense?" and I didn't reply.

Because I actually have read up on what cats should eat. Because I don't just feed them what the store told me to, but that's what I said because... I don't know. Because she's lost 3lbs and I didn't know. And I never know if what I've read is credible because I'm not a scientist.

The good news is Emma is fine. All her panels are clear. No infection. No thyroid issues. No kidney issues. Just what the blood doesn't show... I'm a shitty owner who didn't notice she was 30% smaller. So we're trying this prescription food whose first ingredient is guilt and second ingredient is rice... not meat. I always look for meat to be the first ingredient. Not meat byproduct... MEAT.

But I'll do as the doctor says and hopefully she'll gain some weight back.

And I should probably take Mr Darcy in sometime soon too, but what I can't deal with is being told I'm horrible for having a fat cat. He's been on a diet for like 2 years. He's still fat. And happy as a pig in shit. What are you going to do?

I'm not  looking for reassurance that I'm a good cat mom or that the vet was a dick. The vet was a vet. He loved on my cat immensely and even gave her a little rag soaked in something I can't remember to ease her nerves about the car ride home and he spent 20 minutes trying to take her picture and he labored over where to draw the blood to make sure it wasn't too traumatic for her.

I paid the vet $250 to know that Emma isn't sick and to buy some food made of chemicals scientifically proven to be considered nutritious and for the confirmed diagnosis of "I suck."

Also, this is my irrational pity party and I'll cry if I want to. Join me next time when I promise to not be a whiner.