I'm not okay with any of this

You just buy this book from Amazon, save the hair your cat sheds in your house, and then you can make these sweet little toys. I'm a fan of recycling and reusing and whatnot, but if someone saved my hair and made a finger puppet out of it, I would shit in their bed, not just vomit. (Speaking as a cat of course. I don't shit or vomit in the bed because I am a human and I can make it to the toilet... just in case there was any confusion by my previous statement.)

There's this place off the highway I take on the way home from work called Quaker Steak and Lube. For the longest time I think I just blocked it out because it didn't make sense... like when a sign is in Spanish and therefore doesn't exist because I don't know what it says... but a few weeks ago I was stuck in the stupidest traffic jam of my life and was forced to look at the neon yellow sign for nearly an hour. Until I went to the website, I really thought you could get your oil changed while eating steak which just isn't okay with me. Have we really become so concerned with one-stop-shopping that we can't just take our car to one shop and go to separate place for our meat? 

But a few quick minutes on the website and I realize I just have a punny restaurant on my hands. One that thinks advertising "changing fluids" is an appetizing way to suggest they have a variety of sauces. And a "Lubie" is a patron of these fine eateries? I will NOT follow you on Facebook, my friends. No one gets to call me Lubie. Don't even get me started on the use of "Haute".

And then this advertising gem pops up on my screen. I do get it. That's supposed to be BBQ sauce. But it looks like someone just murdered their wife and then ordered chicken wings online. This place makes me sad on so many levels. But they do allow you start your own franchise anywhere in this fine country of ours... if your dream is lube themed dining... 

And then because I check Facebook before I do anything, I share with you something else that isn't okay, courtesy of a friend stuck far from home.

The things you witness at Hartsfield-Jackson... Is there no shame left in the universe or must I bear it all?

Speaking of steak... my acupuncturist and then my therapist told me I should eat red meat. I haven't eaten red meat since college. That was a very long time ago. Then as I was walking out of the building tonight, bundled up like we live in the arctic, the very tiny asian girl who sits near me says I need to make more blood so I'm less cold (english is her second language, so I did clarify I'd heard her right). And I'm only telling you she's asian because I think maybe it's part of that eastern medicine thing that my acupuncturist is talking about when she says I have a blood disorder. Try explaining to your mother that you have a blood disorder, but don't worry about it, because it's an eastern medicine kind of disorder... 

I think I might be afraid of steak. Don't tell anyone, okay?