Family Dinners

I've known my brother-in-law, B, since I was 19. Since I was 19, I've had 7 different boyfriends and probably twice as many hair colors. B helped me get my first job after college. He has replaced my garbage disposal... twice. He helped me lay laminate flooring in my condo when I bought it. And he handed me my infant niece the moment I walked into the hospital room... 15 minutes after she was born.

My cousin's wife, C, is very new to the family. While she and my cousin have been married for nearly 10 years, they only moved to Colorado a few years ago and we still only see them 2-3 times a year. C has a PhD is chemistry... or something like that. There's definitely a PhD and it's definitely science.


While I enjoy her company, we haven't ever connected. This says nothing negative about her. We just have different interests and different circles.

During the holidays my parents always offer space at the table for the single folks at their church who don't have family in town so there's often a guest or two who don't know us as well. I try to keep my liberal idealism to myself, not say the "F" word, and make small talk with the nice church-people.

It must have been around 2003. I probably had bleach blonde hair that I'd spike up so I looked not unlike the face of a sunflower. And I was trying to blend in while totally standing out. Dinner was over and we were starting the long post-dinner sitting at the table and talking about nonsense portion of the evening. B was bored. He wanted to be done with sitting in hard chairs and chatting about the weather.

"Melissa likes Marilyn Manson"

This is what B announced in a room full of church-people. If you're new to the planet or were born in or after the 1990s, you don't know that Marilyn Manson was the big-scary-bad-musician of the late '90s who ruined teenagers and caused school shootings and made kids do drugs and be crazy. In reality, he was (is) a cartoon character. A Halloween costume. A persona. And a damned smart one which is why I did indeed like him.  (Not the music, mind you. The eloquence.)

The church-people responded appropriately with gasps and wide eyes and B's mission was accomplished: entertainment.

This past weekend one of my aunts was in town so my parents hosted a dinner. We crammed 14 people around the table for spaghetti and pumpkin soup (separate dishes). C was at the opposite end of the table and I honestly can't remember how the conversation started so pretend it was casual and normal. And then went like this.

C: So, do you have a special man? 
Turns red.

C: Or woman... 
Remembers my religious parents and turns redder. B grins like he wishes he'd thought of this game. My parents grin because it's always funny to hear me try to explain my (not) relationship.

Me: I appreciate you giving me options...

I refused to answer further because it was far too funny not to. C, as far as I'm concerned, has just been fully initiated into the family. She has always been welcome, but now she is part of the homeness.

Since I only have the one sister and didn't really grow up with my cousins, I don't have a large network of extended family with in-laws and whatnot. I've filled my bowl of family with people I picked out of life (and who picked me) and I'm blessed regularly. But there's something extra fun about bringing someone in who is likely stuck with me in some capacity for the rest of our lives who can join me in discomfort and laugh.

So, with Christmas ornaments on display in the stores for the last 3 weeks and  Halloween now behind us, I prepare emotionally for more opportunities to allow someone else to say the wrong thing (or the right thing) so it's more than spaghetti and pumpkin soup.

And just to spark some controversy... I LOVE that there are Christmas Lights everywhere. They should stay up year round.