I just can't live without rageahol

Every year, when I'm first startled by the Halloween candy in August, I remember that the one great thing about summer ending is candy corn. So I buy a bag, break it open on the way home from the store and excitedly draft my Facebook post.

Candy corn, like the abortion debate, is highly contentious. I have considered Facebook blocking people for their response to my beloved fall candy, but this year I have instead instructed my friends to take their dissent elsewhere... as posts from haters will be deleted. I have dubbed myself the Supreme Overlord Of Cornfordshire, which does not claim to be a democracy, but is a Cornacracy.

So shut it! I've had a rough day.


It's actually been kind of a rough couple of months. Things have been making me so angry. I can be an impatient person, but I'm not usually quick to anger. (I should probably see my therapist about this, but she was pissing me off.)

I was walking home from a much needed jog this evening when a happy couple, all swooning in their handholding, refused to make room for me on the sidewalk because they were so insistent on walking side by side. I was practically shoved into the grass due to my unwillingness to accommodate their love and move out of the way. Instead, I said loudly, as I stumbled to stay on the sidewalk, "Really? Your love makes me invisible?"

I had headphones on so I have no idea if they apologized or called me a bitch. Either way, they remembered I existed and will possibly think twice about being so rudely happy with each other.

Which reminded me of the other day as I was driving to acupuncture. If you've never had acupuncture here are a few notable things:

1. Once they're done jabbing the needles in your skin, you get to lay down for 45 minutes to an hour, uninterrupted. The needles don't hurt after they're put in so it's like a very relaxing mid-day nap. I walk out of my treatments so calm and peaceful.

2. They look at your tongue before (and sometimes after). Your tongue is apparently a window into your ailments. The hot acupucturist once told me my tongue was surprisingly pink considering my diet. I called him  out on his backhanded compliment and then we made out. Except the making out part is a lie.

Anyway, a couple weeks ago I was driving to an appointment and panicked that my tongue would be gross because of the snack I'd just eaten while running out the door. So at a stoplight I checked out my tongue in the mirror. And I guess for too long because the person behind me honked.

I proceeded to drive forward very very slowly with my hand, middle finger up, waving behind me, for the 3 blocks before I reached my turn. I then parked and walked in the clinic like a happy little asshole who might have possibly overreacted... but without the guilt.
.....
I just spent 2 hours trying to get this video to embed in this post and it wouldn't do it. Ironically, I am not as angry I was when I started.