Financial Planning

I apologize in advance...

I wore some old yoga pants/shorts on my jog tonight and they kept falling down because the elastic is kind of shot. Also, yoga pants aren't running pants. At one point, as I was struggling to just grab the shorts and not the underwear underneath (thus giving myself a wedgie if unsuccessful in the separation), I realized how incredibly unsexy I must look. Cell phone protruding from my sports bra. Red faced. Sweat pouring (it was really humid today). Face scrunched into some weird clenched teeth, squinty eyed frenzy to pull my pants up and over my belly... which I'd been trying to suck in on the run because, unlike my good yoga/running shorts, these did NOT hold in the flopping lower belly.

I then thought about all the other times when people probably don't realize how unattractive they are. Like yawning. For god's sake, People, cover your mouth and nose because your nostrils flare, your lips curl up into some weird look of horror and your eyes start to look like bees are flying at them.

I wonder what my face does when I try to covertly pick my underwear out of my ass at the office. I do this a lot. Is it a look of awkward relief? Shame at wearing the wrong size underwear day in and day out? And can someone please explain to me the cinching in underwear along the butt crack that is a thing now? Yes, I thought it would look cute, but that's just butt-floss for those of us who gave up butt-floss. Why do fashion/clothing designers hate women?

Needless to say, it was a productive and thoughtful run. Until I was about 5 blocks from home and I felt that...um... pressure to get home and read a magazine by candlelight. Or "call my accountant" as I like to say. I've read running blogs about long-distance runners having to make stops to talk about their finances, but I'm not a long distance runner. I can barely run a mile without walking (actually, I think I can now happily say I can barely run 1.5 miles without walking).

So I got home, called my accountant, and then Googled "Why do I have to poop when I run?" I guess this a common phenomenon. It's nice to know I'm not alone, but still... WTF? Of all the ways I feel like my body is betraying me, unplanned calls from my financial planner are one of the biggest. I'm pretty nice to my body... I workout 5 days a week, eat pretty healthy, give it ice cream when it asks...

Here are some responses from people much more willing to talk about their money problems with strangers:
The Poop Counselor.
Poop Master General.
Sir PoopsALot. 

Anyway, I had to consider the slice of pizza I had just before the run as possibly a bad idea. But when is a slice of pizza a bad idea? If you're about to go for a run, I think you've pre-earned that pizza....

Next week on "Things you shouldn't talk about with strangers on the internet" we'll ACTUALLY talk about financial planning, how much money we make, how much your car cost, and why my credit score is better than your credit score. And possibly vaginas.