Church of the God the Utterly Indifferent

I finished my second of Vonnegut's books last week, The Sirens of Titan. On its surface it's about a war with Mars, a weird ghostman who appears and reappears every 50 or so days to torture his wife with predictions of the future, and luck.

The antagonist in the story, Winston Niles Rumfoord (ghostman), after his death and ghosting, starts the Church of the God the Utterly Indifferent. It's two basic teachings are: "Puny man can do nothing at all to help or please God Almighty, and Luck is not the hand of God." Ultimately, God doesn't care what you do and God didn't make your life suck or not suck.

I WAS A VICTIM OF A SERIES OF ACCIDENTS, AS ARE WE ALL. (Vonnegut, The Sirens of Titan)

One of my best girls, April, just got her real estate license so we've decided to play this game where we pretend that I am not too lazy to do grown up things and look at new houses; and she learns how to deal with annoying clients... I mean, she gets practical experience as a real estate agent.

You all know I adore my building so to leave the comfort of this place will require something spectacular. And by spectacular I mean:

1. In my price range
2. Move-in ready
3. Minimal lawn, but with my own outdoor space (Grass is for people who have ever in their life touched a mower prior to age 35...not it!)
4. Kitchen greater than or equal to my current kitchen (see below)
5. Hopefully with 2 bedrooms although probably not a requirement but I do really want an office space that is greater than 1/2 a foot from my couch. 

She and I looked at two adorable little places last weekend and while neither of them have incentivized me to clean out my closet so I don't look like a hoarder, I'm starting to make lists of things that would need to happen so I can sell my condo. 

Which makes me want to die a little. Like my mother asking me to clean my room when I was 12 and it would take me 4 hours to clean the equivalent of 20 square feet because I spent so much time whining about it. (I am still always surprised when it takes me only 10 minutes to clean the kitchen but 3 days to motivate to do it.) It feels insurmountable. 

And then I remember that I CAN do things. I have skills and motivation and home-ownership... ownership. I have painted every inch of ceiling and wall at least twice in the last 10 years (that's a lot, right?). I replaced the locks and unclogged drains and made my friend's husband's replace my garbage disposal...  And I remodeled my kitchen just 2 years ago. The whole damned thing!

I decided this. I'm "the decider."

And by "I remodeled my kitchen" I mean that I hired people to do it which is still actually a lot of work. I had to pick everything... appliances, cabinets, lights, backsplash, contractors, blah blah blah... which is a whole lot of deciding and who knew you were supposed to give a shit about refrigerator functions? Does it keep shit cold? CHECK! Sold. 

Then you have to organize deliveries, pick ups, demolition, electricians, plumbers, installers, plumbers again, electricians twice more, finishers and maybe someday I'll seal the grout on the backsplash a second time like I was supposed to.

And I made eggs in the microwave in my bedroom... for weeks!

"Something went wrong," said the Space Wanderer... "A lot of things went wrong."

 "Have you ever considered the possibility," said Rumfoord, "that everything went absolutely right?" (Vonnegut, The Sirens of Titan)

April asked me what will motivate me to get my shit together to make something happen (she said it much more kindly). I think she was looking for "Oh, I'm motivated right now! I will call my mortgage broker tomorrow!" But my honest response was, "Losing out on something I want."

At some point I will find a house I want, be ready to make an offer, but since I haven't cleaned behind the toilet in 10 years or patched that hole that was there when I moved in, I won't be ready to sell the condo... and someone else will buy MY house. Bitches!

It's like a light switch. I'll toy with an idea. Talk about it until my friends start answering the phone "JUST DO IT ALREADY!" Start making new friends to talk to. Maybe go to some open houses. Read up on the GREs vs the LSATs. Buy a book. And then suddenly I just know what has to be done (or not). And I am committed to the process of finding out what needs to be done. (Until then, Google "Ad nauseam" and become comfortable with it.)

Oh, and did I mention the concrete counters in one of the places we looked this weekend? So.Freaking.Cool!

There is no reason why good cannot triumph as often as evil. The triumph of anything is a matter of organization. If there are such things as angels, I hope that they are organized along the lines of the Maffia. -- Winston Niles Rumfoord (Vonnegut, The Sirens of Titan)

<---insert meaningful reference to the bullshit of last week. Others have said what I cannot.