In the ages of stones

I used to call myself an Attempted Buddhist. I don't remotely qualify for that title anymore as I really only go to yoga for the workout (although I do try to be zen about it), I never meditate anymore, and I'm pretty much always annoyed by something.

My office moved this week and I'm now sitting by a new group of people who are not trained in my old-lady ways. At one point today, one of the young fellows who sits near me was whistling (AAAAARRRGGG) when his neighbor asked him if the tune was somesongIdon'tknowthenameof. The whistler replied that it was and wasn't it an "awesome jam?" He or the other guy (right now they all sound the same) said "A lot of people haven't heard that song, and I'm like... what are you? In the stone age?"

Instead of standing up and telling these kids to get off my lawn I just started making a list of things people do that annoy me but are things that I do. In no particular order:

1. Sniffle. Everyone else must have miraculously clear nasal passages at all times. Also I hate blowing my nose. I don't know why, but I really do. Also, I hate when you blow your nose. Could you go to the bathroom for that? That's the room for noises coming out of bodies.

2. Text in the gym locker room. Get out of my way, chick, so I can stand at my locker and text.

3. Cough/Sneeze. See #1 above. You're annoying. I am not. (This woman who now sits near me due to the moved office sneezes like a robot. Seriously... imagine your favorite robot. Got it? Now imagine him/her sneezing. That's what she sounds like.)

4. Talk loudly. Laugh loudly. Shut up. I'm working. Until I'm laughing loudly. Then I'm probably not working.

5. Leave the office before 5. You are slackers. Now, don't try to talk to me at 4:45, I need to get to the gym.

6. Post on FB about being sick. I'm sick goddammit! I don't care that you're sick!

7. Post on FB about something boring/political/unentertaining. This morning I considered posting about how awesome it is that my office is now 2.5 miles from home instead of 25 miles and then I realized how boring that is so I posted about etiquette when riding the bus. And posted a picture of my cat again.

8. Pick their nose. Dammit I do love to pick my nose.

9. Flirt at the office. No comment necessary.

10. Eat stinky food at your desk. Your gross meat smells are drowning out my leftover
 Indian food.

People used to think I was low-key. I was once asked how I kept my cool with all the changes at work and I'm sure I had some fabulous comment like "Oh, I just don't sweat the small stuff." I think you're supposed to get wiser in your 30s and angrier in your 60s/70s because of kids these days, but I'm already angry at the kids so I don't know what comes next. I've always matured more quickly than my peers though so I guess this is logical.