Under Where?

The elastic in a pair of my underwear has given up. It has decided that it has no will to do its one and only job... of being elastic... and has simply stop elasticizing. 

I find this incredibly depressing. Not only for what it says about the stress and strain I've subjected it to, but that it has failed itself. It only has the one job and when it can't withstand the rigors of that singular job... well.. how fucking depressing is that? 

I think there should be half sizes for underwear. The S, M, L, XL isn't enough. When I go up a size things aren't snug enough. But, as stated above, I may be expecting too much of my current size. 

I'm sure it doesn't help that I gain and lose the same 5-6lbs every other month which doesn't seem like a lot, but it determines my inability to button my pants at the top of the 6lbs and the saggy-belt-must-be-havin' when I'm at the bottom of it. 

It's possible I buy really cheap underwear. It's not like I buy the economy packs at CostCo (not that there's anything wrong with that)... but is $5/pair really a price at which I can complain when they abandon ship after a year in rotation? 

Maybe they knew I'd bought some more so they figured they were on the outs anyway? 

Whatever their reason, some notice would have been nice. 

Dear Lady,

Please consider this our letter of resignation. We have found you to be an unreasonable employer. Not only are we underpaid, but you expect us to sit quietly while you downward dog and jog and squat and nap... and if we dare wiggle a little you pick at us like... like something you pick at.

It''s not so much that we failed as you did not set us up to succeed. This will be your last wearing.

Sincerely,

Black Underwear #14

Sure, Colorado is an atwill state, but I think 2 weeks notice is customary. Have some pride, for Cotton's sake. Sheesh...